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What happens when a Tummy Monster stops being in a tummy and starts being real? Welcome to The X Spot. Go here to read all about how Alexander Beckett Howell came into being and where he goes from there. Of course, that site will be under construction for a bit (hard to make a new website AND care for Mom and newborn), so to mollify his adoring public, here are some pictures from the Monster's first day of life. A truly happy new years to all!

Stef, just prior to going to hospital.

Oh, hai. I'm a baybee.

Proof of Xander's largess (8 lbs, 6 oz).
Please note full (misshapen) head of hair.

= happyprideloveexhaustion

Goodnight, my minions.

The "Loss" Of The Tax Break

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Today we mourn not just the loss* of the potential tax deduction Stef and I could have claimed on our 2007 taxes, but also the never-ending source of conversation having a child on the last day of the year would have brought us. Also, there was a neat onesie that said "Tax Break" I was totally going to get for the Monster, but since he's late it doesn't make much sense.

* Yes, we know, a "qualifying child" is from birth to 17 years. So if we had gotten the 2007 deduction we would have been unable to claim the 2024 deduction. But, first off, we hopefully won't need the deduction in '24, and more'n likely we won't qualify for it even if we did thanks to our potential salaries (note: not complaining about that!). Secondly, pointing out how the deduction actually works is less funny than, you know, talking about how much we love our little Tax Break. That's the sad part.

PS - Happy New Years!

Monster Update: 40

It's hard to say for sure how big the Tummy Monster will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7.5 pounds (a small pumpkin (pictured)) and is about 20 inches long. The biggest part of the Monster's body is his head, but his still-pliable skull will give it the flexibility necessary to squeeze through the birth canal. If and when he deigns to make an appearance, that is.

Text adapted from Baby Center.

Another Bad Haiku

Today you are due.
What is the hang up, Monster?
Man, what a slacker.

Doctor Visit: 14: A Haiku

We... are... still... waiting...
I... must... not... be... impatient...
Please... ring... telephone

Doctor says Stef's weight gain has normalized (she's actually lost a bit of weight), and there are a couple of other indications that she's nearing the end. Like, jeez, ya think? Maybe one of those indications is that the Monster's due date is FRIDAY - JUST TWO DAYS AWAY?!? Or that my wife is as big as a house and massively, ridiculously pregnant?!?

I could totally be an OB/GYN.

Monster Update: 39

Just about a week to go and the Monster is just waiting to greet the world. He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, the size of a small watermelon (pictured). Try walking around and sleeping while carrying a watermelon in your waistband, and you'll understand how Stef is doing and why we're totally ready for him to be here now.

Text adapted from Baby Center.

Doctor Visit: 13: a.k.a. the Hold Steady

So we sit here, waiting on pins and needles for the Monster to eventually, you know, EXIST, and the Doctor basically tells Stef: same old, same old. Heartbeat's slow decline is holding steady. Position (normal) is holding steady. The Monster's exponential weight gain? Holding steady. About the only thing not holding steady right now are my nerves.

It's like if every kid in the world knew Christmas/Hanukkah was coming, but no one, anywhere, had any idea as to WHEN. They just knew it was SOON. Imagine the collective anticipation of every 6 year-old in that scenario, and then multiply it by HAVING A BABY. I would really like to meet this kid soon, but it's not like I have a say in when he pops. So I suppose I'll just sit here, twiddling my thumbs. I'll get him when he's a bit older, though, when I tell him his birthday is "in the Winter sometime" and let him sweat it out.

Monster Update: 38

The Tummy Monster has really plumped up. He weighs about 6.8 pounds and he's over 19.5 inches long (like a large bunch of leeks (pictured)). He has a firm grasp, which we'll soon be able to test when we hold the Monster's hand for the first time! Also, his organs have fully matured and are ready for life outside the womb. So long as he doesn't come while I'm stuck in 5-hour traffic due to inclement weather, we're all set!

Text adapted from Baby Center.

Another Monster Friend

CONGRATULATIONS to Justin and Saru on the birth of their healthy baby boy, Ryan Sohan!

Doctor Visit: 12

Stef had two Doctor's visits this week. The first was an ultra sound which confirmed that the Monster is in the correct birth position (head down, facing Stef's spine), and the second was an uncomfortable and long visit with the OB. Unfortunately there were no good pictures from the ultrasound - he's actually too big and squished to get a good picture, but the nurse reading the device said that he looks healthy and has all the necessary parts. This is better news than a picture. We can't wait to meet him!

And the winner of the Middle-name contest is...

Beckett.
In a nail-biting, 9-7 victory, Beckett beat out Scott in your hearts and votes for best middle name. And, amazingly, Stef and I agree. Or, rather, we really like Scott and Beckett as the Monster's middle name, but since Bekott or Sckett wasn't doing it for us, and we had to choose just one, we decided (just like a majority of you!) on the one with more cultural significance. Now we just have to hope that Theo doesn't trade Beckett in the off season. You can expect a post on how to change a Monster's name if he (Josh Beckett) ever becomes a Yankee.

Monster Update: 37

Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, the Tummy Monster is officially full term! This means that he pops out now, his lungs should be fully mature and ready to adjust to life outside the womb, even though Stef's due date is still three weeks away. It also means that spicy food is on the menu and the trampoline will be arriving any day now! (Just kidding. We're not going to induce - or even try and homeopathic induction methods - unless the Doctors tell us to. We're all about having a healthy Monster and just forget about the "inconvenient" timing of the thing.)

Anyway, the Monster weighs about 6 pounds now and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard (pictured)). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 0.5 inch to 1.5 inches long (and possibly in color not at all similar to the parents), but I was bald when I was born and Stef hasn't had any indigestion yet, so it's unlikely the Monster has any hair at all right now.

Text adapted from Baby Center.

Doctor Visit: 11

Stef went to the Doctor's again today, and she will be going back a lot more in the coming weeks. At this visit she and the Doctor mostly talked about logistical issues, but the important thing is that everybody remains healthy. It looks like the OB Stef has had throughout the pregnancy likely won't be around for the delivery, but we'd rather have a different doctor on the big day than induce early, so what are you going to do?

Next week, Stef's getting her second ultrasound to get a better idea of how big the Monster really is, and which direction he's decided to face. And it also looks like she'll be stopping work for the year in a few weeks. Already, a normal day is too taxing for her, and the availability of early TDI means we can worry about keeping Stef and the Monster happy and healthy and not worry too much about our finances.

There Can Be Only One

1. The boy's name Scott (skaht) is of Old English origin, and its meaning is "from Scotland, a Scotsman." Mainly used in the 20th century, it reached peak popularity in the mid-1970s. Famous people with the name Scott include actors Scott Glenn and Scott Caan; authors Scott Peck, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Scott Turow; and musician Scott Joplin. It can be derived as "Scottie," which rhymes with "hottie" (good) and "snottie" (bad). Initials: "ASH". It would go nicely with a nickname of "the Great" - both because of this guy and this phrase (H/T Josh Summers). Try it on for size:
   
   Alexander Scott Howell



2. The name Beckett (BEH ket) is of English origin, and its meaning is "beehive." In comparison to it's opposition in these finals, "Beckett" is neither historically nor currently popular. However, in their 2005 book “Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores The Hidden Side Of Everything,” authors Levitt and Dubner predicted that, among a few others, "Beckett" would be one of the most popular baby boy names of 2015. So far, their prediction has been spot on, as the name went from being off the map in 2005 to debuting on the SSN top 1000 list at number 758 in 2006. And that was before this guy (pictured) had the super-amazing-awesome season he had last year with the World Champion Boston Red Sox. Initials: ABH. Try it on for size:
   
   Alexander Beckett Howell

Make up your mind and vote, people! This is the last chance for you to have any say whatsoever in the Monster's middle name. Both of these names are viable options - actually they are our two favorites - so your vote MIGHT ACTUALLY DECIDE what Xander's middle name will be. Of course, it also might not. This isn't a Democracy, people.

Monster Update: 36

The Tummy Monster is gaining about an ounce a day, now. He weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon (pictured)) and is more than 18.5 inches long. Nevertheless, Stef's being a trooper, even though the Monster's clearly staring to weigh her down and tire her out quickly. Inside, the Monster's shedding most of the downy hair that covered his body, as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that protected his skin (like a round of cheese!) during his nine-month amniotic bath. Next week, the Monster will be considered full-term, so the nervous, anticipatory waiting has begun.

Text adapted from Baby Center.

Who Ya' Got?

The Semi-Finals are here, and I've broken them into two separate polls (conveniently located on the top, right-hand side of the blog (this way! --->)). So go ahead and pick your poison. Two underdogs (Jackson and Evan) against two battle-worn contenders (Scott and Beckett). The one you pick may end up being the middle name of my first born son. Or, you could just call him that when I'm not around. Your choice, punk. Who ya' got?

Monster Update: 35

The Tummy Monster doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5.25 pounds (the heft of a honeydew (pictured)). Because it's so snug in Stef's womb, he isn't supposed to be doing somersaults anymore (although he hasn't gotten that memo, yet). He's still kicking a ton and hanging out on Stef's spleen. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic monster development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight. That extra helping of turkey and mashed potatoes? All him.

Text adapted from Baby Center.

VOTE NOW!!!!

Polls are open for the Elite Eight of Monster Middle Names. As always, you have a week to determine who goes to the Final Four. Right now I'm just jazzed that "Beckett" (pictured above, also jazzed) did so well against strong contender "Ryan".

Things We Learned

This weekend was a weekend of knowledge for us: we went stroller shopping, we borrowed a newborn for a night, and we took an all day child birthing class. I'll tackle each issue one at a time.

First, strollers. Clearly, we are no longer living in the era of "one umbrella stroller and you're set." Sure, we could spend $12 and be done, but that wouldn't be sporting. If you haven't seen a stroller store recently, trust me when I tell you that it can be daunting to look for a new stroller. I've probably spent as much time researching strollers as I did determining where I wanted to go to college. However, there's only so much wisdom you can gain from the printed page or website, sometimes you have to just test the product out. To that end, Stef and I traveled up to Wellesley, MA, where my old co-worker Sheri and her husband, Eli, were opening their second (of three) baby/toy store (check 'em out). Now on our stroller shortlist: the Phil & Ted's e3 and the Baby Jogger Urban Mini. Now off our list: the Mountain Buggy Urban Single (just too heavy and unwieldy for Stef), and about 15 other strollers we were considering. Overall, I think it was a successful trip, but we've yet to really settle on a stroller, so more work needs to be done. Insane? Yes, I know it is. hopefully, all our friends-with-children can help us through the morass.

Later on that night, we borrowed a baby from our friends Scott and Julie, who were in town for a classmate of Scott's wedding. Kelan is a cute little dude who is curious and lovely and he just did not enjoy his time with us at all. So from between 7:30 and 11 pm we were just trying to get him to calm down while his Mom and Dad enjoyed their wedding. Things we learned: (i) the vacuum/dust buster is a magic baby-shut-off-switch, (ii) he also likes the white noise section of the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD, and (iii) when getting a baby used to the bottle, multiple types of nipples should be tried. Also, I have a million dollar idea: baby rentals. Parents pay to leave their kid with the service, who also rents out the same babies to young couples nervous about parent-hood or someone looking to scare their significant other out of pregnancy. The insurance would be crazy ridiculous, but you'd probably make money hand over fist.

Third, we woke up early Sunday and spent all day in a birthing class at a hospital. This class was helpful, and Stef is happy because half the class was about massaging her back, hands and feet. Of course, the other half of the class was mind-numbingly terrifying giving-birth type information, so it balanced out. And, of course, some of the class was a bit repetitive from the previous two classes we already took, so tonight's class will be our last for a while, we hope.

Monster Update: 34

The Tummy Monster now weighs about 4.75 pounds (like your average cantaloupe (pictured)) and is almost 18 inches long. His fat layers — which he'll need to regulate his body temperature once he's out in the real world — are filling out, making the Monster rounder. His skin is also smoother than ever. The Monster's central nervous system is maturing and his lungs are continuing to mature as well. Although it is good to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine, we'd still like the Monster to stay cooking for a bit longer to avoid a stay in the neonatal nursery or any short-term health issues.

Text adapted from Baby Center.