Apologies To The Monster

Dearest Monster,

First, I want to apologize for the fact that your name right now is "Monster". I assure you, this moniker is not meant to be disparaging, rather a term of endearment. Similar to your soon-to-be friends "Nugget", "Ribs", "Critter" and "Parasite" (etc.).

More importantly, we'd like to apologize for your unfortunate expected birth date. See, your Mom was born in mid-December, and has this thing against her own birthday due to its proximity to the winter holidays (specifically Christmas). She seems to feel that having the events so close together in time makes it too difficult for her friends and family to properly and adequately adulate and celebrate her triumphant birth. So, when we set about thinking about making you, our intent was to avoid that horrible outcome.

Unfortunately, society lied to us! We were raised to think that babies took nine months to make. Which is true, technically, but you have to count from sometime before the making of the baby and the pee-on-a-stick test, and we didn't know that. We thought we were in the clear and you'd be coming around mid-January, early-February. Turns out, your due date is smack dab in the middle of Christmas and New Year's Eve. This is something that didn't even occur to us until it was (happily) too late. Basically, what I'm telling you is that we're sorry if your birthday is too near the holidays (but I promise we'll make it up to you with a special cake or something).

Love,
Your Dad-To-Be